I regret so much.

I regret ever being with you. My first love. I wish it never happened. You mind fucked me. I was naive. I fell for a piece of crap. I treated the right guy like crap to be with the wrong one. I gave everything to the wrong person. I gave my innocence to a guy who couldnt give a Shit about me. Who dropped me in a second. I wish I would have been smarter. I’ve never had such a regret. I hate myself for how I treated jer, all because of you. Fuck you. Fuck what we had. Fuck all the nights I cried and prayed.

Thank you God for giving me Jeremy. Thankyou for helping me.

Posted 2 months ago

All I want is one thing. And that is the same thing I’ve felt with for the past 6 years. It never goes away. No matter how many times my boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful, I know I’m pretty. I’m charming. Okay cool. But I want the whole package. I want the bod.

Posted 3 months ago

-___-

I try to regret very few things. And tonight isn’t one of them. I had so much fun. I said and did some thing I wish I could change but oh well. Trial and error is life. I cried so much:( my eyes burn so badly. The movie was perfect. Simply perfect. I feel like I’m finally happy. But I do have some things to work on. Starting with my relationship, my sex drive, and some of the comments I say. And my boyfriend agreed that he too need to mellow out. We should treat eachother meanly. And breaking down in the back seat of my friends truck doesn’t help my pride too much either. But I’ve become emotional and sort of bitchy.

Posted 3 months ago

Ehhhhh

Nope. Quit lying to me.

Posted 3 months ago

He called.

And said goodnight. He didn’t even say an I love you. I waited for it but he just hungup. Thats new.

Posted 3 months ago

I’m a pretty girl. I know it. I just want my body to reflect the beauty of my face.

Posted 3 months ago

I hate her.

No I really love her. She beautiful. Hot. Cute. SKINNY. Tan. Did I mention so effing hot? Everytime I see her I envy her more. If I looked even close to her id be so satisfied. But no I sitting here while my mind is getting anal fucked.

There’s no way I ever want to eat anything again. I can’t stick to a simple fucking diet and I need to so freaking badly. I want to loose 30 or 40 pounds by the time I graduate and I know I can. I am capable of loosing that much. Green tea and fruit and veggies is all I’ll eat. And you know what? I’ll be skinny fore new York and prom and graduation and then ill finally be hot like her and won’t have a panic attack everytime i talk or see her or see something she posts. And she wants me to move in with her when she graduates? Id have a freaking anxiety attack everytime I looked at her. Id sit in my closet crying my calories away while she prances around half naked looking like a goddess while if I did that id just be flat out unbearable to look at. I need. I will. I am going to. Loose this weight.

Posted 4 months ago

Fuck me? No fuck you asshole.

God I just want to throw things against a wall and drink so much until I don’t remember fucking Shit.

Posted 4 months ago

I keep saying I can’t wait.

To grow up. To graduate. To let go of the last four years that have been the best of my life. The four years that scolped and molded me into the young individual that I am this day. I keep telling myself that life won’t be so hard. That I will go to college and work and have my happy little family with me amf my boyfriend. And silly me thinks that is all I need. Well, can I be anymore naive? No. I basically ate a naive& dumbfounded smoothie. I have put on this persona act that I am an okay human being. That everything I do and see and experience are wonderful. When in all its glory, I am not what I claim to be. I am not happy to graduate. Of course, I think I am ready. But sadly, my heart wants to hold onto the memories I’ve made. They’re so warm and cozy. I feel at home with what I’ve done and who ive become because of my high-school career. I’ve made friends, I’ve lost friends. And the ones that were golden, well, I still have them to this very day. I am so thankful to have my friends. I am thankful for Sarena. Alyssa. Haley. And Braden. They are the ones who keep me going. They do. And everynight, despite my lack of religious consistancy, I pray. I pray to the lord, for him to keep my blessings safe. So being my friends. My family. The ones I care about most. And lastly, my boyfriend. Goodness, my boyfriend. He is actually what made me want to use this social networking blog gadget to vent tonight. I’ve, consequently, let down my relationship with this boy. The boy that has been there for me since he first glanced at me. The one person who no matter how broken I am or how broken I have made him, still loves me. And loves me more than he does anything or anyone else. Minus his parents I’m hoping. But this boy I have mislead. I have mislead him to disapointment. And even at that he forgives me. Nice boy he is. But, I promised myself and more important him, that I would pick up the slack and mend our relationship. We will fix things. Because well, we always do. Always. But, I’m not happy still? No. I am not. I mean yes I am content and no matter what I WILL have a smile. But, I will miss my bestfriend when she goes to college, and thays what has pushed me away from reality. Because I’ve been caught up with making senior memories with my closest friends, because all we can prkmise eachother after we walk across that stage is to remember and hold deeply, the memories and so on, of our high-school time together.&that is what will keep my head up. I don’t need too much. Just a promise. And the promise I made my boyfriend.

Posted 4 months ago